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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24527755">wherever is your heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrZebra/pseuds/buckysbears'>buckysbears (DrZebra)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>home to heart [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Past Child Abuse, Platonic Cuddling, Some Humor, Touch-Starved</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:22:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,852</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24527755</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrZebra/pseuds/buckysbears</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“You don’t have to be so scared of this, you know,” Bow started, voice low. Catra’s chest tightened, just a little. “Not the- Not the contact. I get why that makes you nervous, I do. I just mean … leaning on us a little. Letting us take care of you. Because we want to. I know that’s hard to accept, but we do.”</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“I’m a fully functioning adult person,” Catra said, “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>In which Catra learns that it's okay to be vulnerable, and that leaning on people isn't the worst thing in the world.<br/>(part 2 of touch-starved catra)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow &amp; Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra &amp; Glimmer (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>home to heart [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1471</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wherever is your heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>the much asked for follow up to touch-starved fic because ???? YOU GUYS???????? the response to hello my old heart BLEW ME AWAY, i honestly am so overwhelmed. would sell my soul to the she ra fandom at this point </p>
<p>thank you as always to agentcalliope and nightlocktime!! </p>
<p>you can have little a catra getting hugs, as a treat</p>
<p>[edit] i have no idea why this is showing up as part 3. must be a glitch ^^ only 2 parts to this series! (for now :O )</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometimes, the fact that Catra was doing so much better made bad days all the worse.</p>
<p>Because she <em>was</em> doing better. She’d made progress, everyone agreed. She’d been working through her anger issues, was starting to talk more openly about her past, and was getting closer with everyone in the castle.</p>
<p>But some days … some days were bad. And the fact that she didn’t know when they were coming made that panicked anger bubble in her chest anew. It didn’t feel fair that she was trying so hard, that she could be putting in so much effort, and still, some days she’d snap and curse and yell like nothing had changed, some days she would cry and <em>cry</em> because of all that had changed, and some days … some days she was just quiet.</p>
<p>Today was a quiet day.</p>
<p>She wasn’t quiet because she had nothing to say. On the contrary, there was <em>too</em> much. There were too many words swimming in her head, too many memories that begged for attention, coming to her in these horrible flashes she couldn’t control. One day, maybe, she would know how to single them out, say <em>I’m going to focus on this one today</em>, and she’d be able to talk about them, work through them, one by one, until it was over. Until, maybe, finally, she’d have peace. But she had a long way to go. Too much had happened to her. So, the memories came like laser beams and impacted her chest all the same, and Catra held her tongue behind her teeth and stewed in them.</p>
<p>Catra was sitting on their bed, sitting criss-crossed with a book open on the covers in front of her. She wasn’t reading it, but it gave her an excuse not to say anything. </p>
<p>“I won’t be gone that long,” Adora was saying, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. She bent towards the mirror, checking her poof.</p>
<p>“Mm,” Catra responded.</p>
<p>“Glimmer is getting really antsy and frustrated about all this politics stuff. And antsy and frustrated that Bow only wants to talk about it. She’s finally agreed to just—” She threw her fists up, punching once, twice, towards her reflection. “-you know, work her feelings out the good old-fashioned way. Which I’ve been saying she needs to do forever. This is sort of my area of expertise, after all.”</p>
<p>“You were always the ‘punch your feelings out’ guy,” Catra mumbled, admittedly distracted.</p>
<p>“Right? I don’t know why they made me a political advisor. Just put me in charge of the gym, honestly. Like, if they really wanted to make me happy.”</p>
<p>Catra’s ears angled away. She was trying to pay attention; she was trying to care. But her gut had been twisting uncomfortably all day, and it was hard to focus on anything else. She didn’t think it would get as bad as a panic attack, but her mind kept circling around to the possibility, around and around like a whirlpool.</p>
<p>
  <em>Green, popping, crackling.</em>
</p>
<p>She didn’t realize Adora had kept talking until she was sitting on the bed in front of her, an amused smile on her face.</p>
<p>“You’re not paying attention to me at all, are you?” Her voice curled around a laugh.</p>
<p>“’M reading,” she grumbled. She wasn’t, the lie was obvious. But if she admitted how terrible she’d felt all day, Adora would want to stay and talk, and Catra wouldn’t tear her away from her beloved punching bag.</p>
<p>She flipped a page, as if proving her point.</p>
<p>“Must be some book. What’s one thing that’s happened?”</p>
<p>A little flare of anger lit her chest. She took a breath to smother it and let it out slow.</p>
<p>She forced her eyes to focus on the page.</p>
<p>“It was no secret, however,” she read aloud, “that the great beast was not the most fearsome creature that slumbered and roamed on their island home. For the—” Her breath caught. She quickly swallowed and continued, hoping Adora didn’t notice her slip. “-for the beast’s mother, the queen of monsters, was a great magician with powers that their merry band of heroes could not comprehend. Her dark magics had seen slain more champions in her day than any other, and even the beast itself feared her mastery and control.”</p>
<p>She quieted, finger crinkling the edge of the page. She really should have looked at the back cover before she’d stolen this one from the library shelf.</p>
<p>Adora was silent for a few moments before she looked away. Her throat cleared, and she turned back with a small smile.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she said, waiting for Catra to finally glance up at her. “I won’t be gone long, yeah? And then maybe we can take dinner in here tonight. Just the two of us. How does that sound?”</p>
<p>Catra nodded. Truthfully, it would be easier to escape Adora’s scrutiny if they dined with the others, but saying so now would only be suspicious. She tried to flick her an easy smile, but she felt how strained it was.</p>
<p>Adora’s eyes crinkled as she huffed a little breath. Her hand came up to rest against Catra’s cheek.</p>
<p>She froze.</p>
<p>Her eyes widened.</p>
<p>For the longest time, Catra wasn’t sure why. It was stupidly long before she put it together. Some part of her had detached, was only processing the look of surprise on Adora’s face, without understanding that she was the one who’d put it there. Surely, she would notice her own body moving, would notice if her hand had shot up, tightening in a vice grip around Adora’s wrist … right? That wasn’t something you did without noticing.</p>
<p>And yet …</p>
<p>Catra’s claws dug into soft skin.</p>
<p>“Catra …” Adora mumbled.</p>
<p>Half of Catra was thinking, <em>This is stupid. Why won’t I let go? She didn’t do anything. I should let go</em>. The other half of her was gripping desperately, fearfully, because it wasn’t <em>Adora’s</em> hand that she felt on her cheek. Like, yes, logically, physically, it was Adora’s hand, the soft skin of her palm, the callouses on her fingers. But … somehow, that’s not what she felt. She wasn’t sure if this was a memory. It felt more real than that.</p>
<p>Slender, cold fingers, cupping her cheek.</p>
<p>Her eyes slammed closed. It took her a few moments to realize her body was shaking.</p>
<p>“Catra?”</p>
<p>A sharp inhale as her claws dug deeper.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry if I- Are you—”</p>
<p>“Shut up!” Catra heard herself bite. She wasn’t sure who had said it, but it came out in her voice. “Sh- Shut- Just—”</p>
<p>Okay, no. This was stupid. She’d been working on this! Perfuma told her … What had Perfuma told her? Ground herself. Right. This was a- a flashback, or- She was spiraling. She needed to ground herself.</p>
<p>What could she feel?</p>
<p>Cold fingers, silky gloves—</p>
<p>No.</p>
<p>No, <em>no,</em> that wasn’t right.</p>
<p>It wasn’t- It was <em>Adora</em>. Part of her knew that, but not the part of her that had the vice grip on her girlfriend’s wrist.</p>
<p><em>She’s gone</em>, Catra told herself. <em>That witch isn’t here anymore, she- she can’t get me anymore, this isn’t real! It’s not real it’s—</em></p>
<p>The fingers tried to pull away. Catra hissed, and they stilled.</p>
<p>The whole world, her whole universe, had shrunk down to the feeling of those fingers.</p>
<p>“Catra,” Adora said, voice teetering on shaky, “what’s going on?”</p>
<p>Just Adora. </p>
<p>Just Adora.</p>
<p><em>I should be better than this</em>, Catra thought. <em>I’ve been doing so much better than this. It’s just touching. This shouldn’t hurt. I- Okay, no. This is fine. I have to be okay</em>.</p>
<p>Catra’s hand unlatched, little by little. Only once it had did she realize how deeply she’d sunk her claws. She’d feel bad about that later. As it was, her trembling hand was inching up to cover Adora’s own, fingers settling over fingers.</p>
<p>She pressed the hand closer to her face, leaning into the cupped palm. Maybe it was the aggressive determination with which she did it, maybe it was the way her hand was shaking, tears beading at the corner of her eyes, but—</p>
<p>The hand tried to pull away again.</p>
<p>She gripped tighter.</p>
<p>“Catra, <em>stop</em>.”</p>
<p>Her eyes flew open as she hissed. Adora finally yanked her hand away.</p>
<p>“<em>What</em> is going on?”</p>
<p>“What?” Catra yelled. “You don’t think I can handle it?”</p>
<p>“I- I never said—”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to treat me like I’m fragile!”</p>
<p>The world was coming back to her, little by little. She felt the worried, erratic beat of her heart. The bed that was too soft, pulling her down, eating her up. The way the light glinted on every surface of the room and got into her eyes. Melog—red and angry.</p>
<p>Adora’s hands rose in a motion of defeat. But her face was stone. Eyes furrowed. Mouth set.</p>
<p>“I wasn’t trying to.”</p>
<p>Catra launched herself off the bed and started to pace. It felt like her chest had a thousand moving pieces and they were all bumping into each other, stumbling and colliding and resonating behind her ribs.</p>
<p>The room was quiet besides the steady pour of the waterfall, but Catra’s ears were ringing.</p>
<p>She turned to Adora with a snarl.</p>
<p>“You never asked if it was okay before, why start now?”</p>
<p>She recognized the way her voice cracked, but pushed on.</p>
<p>“You never seemed to care about hurting me before all this. Why the change of heart? Why are you pretending my feelings suddenly matter?”</p>
<p>Adora watched her, taking measured breaths from slightly parted lips. Catra had to blink away tears to see her clearly.</p>
<p>“You just—” Her chest jumped in a sob, and she dug her claws into her palms. “You just get to do whatever you want, you get to hurt me, and then the second you decide it’s better, it’s like it never happened!”</p>
<p>Adora closed her eyes. There was still a pinched line between her brows, but she took a deep breath before she spoke.</p>
<p>“Catra … Are you really talking to me right now?”</p>
<p>Catra froze. Her shoulders trembled.</p>
<p>“Of course I am. Who else would I be talking to, you idiot?”</p>
<p>Adora’s eyes opened, and Catra felt herself drawn into the stormy grey. One of her hands finally fell from their surrender, touching the edge of the book without looking at it.</p>
<p>
  <em>The great magician. Queen of the monsters.</em>
</p>
<p>“Stop,” Catra croaked.</p>
<p>“You never got to say this to her, so you’re—”</p>
<p>“<em>Stop.</em> Stop!”</p>
<p>Catra fastened shut her eyes as her lips pulled in a snarl. Her hands found her hair and tugged as she sunk to the floor.</p>
<p>“Catra—”</p>
<p>“Shut up!”</p>
<p>She could feel Melog move. They had a connection, the two of them. She could tell when they leapt in front of her, bristling and snapping red.</p>
<p>“<em>Why do we defend against Adora?” </em>they asked. <em>“Adora is our friend</em>.”</p>
<p>“We’re … We’re not, I just … I just need—”</p>
<p><em>“She hurt you</em>.”</p>
<p>“She didn’t! I—”</p>
<p><em>“We should run</em>.”</p>
<p>“No! No, I just need a minute. I’m okay, I just need a minute.”</p>
<p><em>“Good,</em>” Melog said simply. <em>“Then I will stand guard</em>.”</p>
<p>Damn the thing, they’d tricked her. She’d talked herself down. Well. It wasn’t the worst play. She could feel herself settling into her own words.</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m not fighting Adora. She hasn’t done anything. I just need a minute.</em>
</p>
<p>She hoped—trusted—that Adora would still be there when she calmed down. She wasn’t in her right mind. Adora was right, Catra wasn’t angry at <em>her</em>, she just … She got spooked. Adora hadn’t been Adora for a minute.</p>
<p>Catra let her hands slide down, burying her face in them. She felt the very real pads of her fingers, listened to the trickle of the waterfall, and breathed.</p>
<p>After a minute, Melog said, <em>“We feel better now</em>.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a question, but Catra still replied, “Yeah. We feel better now.”</p>
<p>Melog’s breath stuttered in a happy chuff. After a moment, Catra felt them slide down to curl around her back.</p>
<p>She took one, final, steadying breath, and dropped her hands.</p>
<p>Adora was sitting on the ground across from her. At some point she must have sunken down to Catra’s level. She had her hands gripping her own elbows, face pinched in concern.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Catra said. She sniffled, rubbing tears from her face with the short fur of her arm. “I- I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Adora mumbled, looking away.</p>
<p>“It’s not. I … I think you were right, I think I was—” She swallowed. “-I was talking to <em>her</em> for a minute.”</p>
<p>Adora nodded, but didn’t look at her.</p>
<p>Suddenly, the space between them seemed impossibly large. Catra’s arms itched with how far away Adora was—tragically, terrifyingly far away. She tried to keep her breathing calm, but her vision was starting to tunnel on the other girl. Her chest felt heavy. Tears were starting to prick her eyes again.</p>
<p>“Adora—” Her voice cracked. She stopped.</p>
<p>Finally, grey eyes met hers.</p>
<p>“Can- Can I—” She closed her eyes. She was starting to panic again. Maybe Adora would reject her. Maybe she was mad. Catra had ruined it—Adora hadn’t done anything wrong and Catra had—</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Can I come over there?”</p>
<p>For a moment, there was silence. She forced her eyes to open, trying to blink away the watery blur.</p>
<p>Adora nodded.</p>
<p>Catra scooted towards her, arms shaking. She wanted to close the distance, bridge the gap, but she was scared.</p>
<p>Her tail lashed behind her.</p>
<p>“Whatever you need, Catra,” Adora said. “I’m here.”</p>
<p>Catra settled for resting one hand on Adora’s shirt, fingers curling only slightly into the fabric. She let her head fall, temple pressing against Adora’s chest. The other girl’s heartbeat thrummed against her ear.</p>
<p>Adora’s hands came up to rest against her arms. It was a loose embrace, but that was okay. It wasn’t constricting. It didn’t make her feel trapped.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Adora said, “I’ve got you.”</p>
<p>Catra felt like a child again.</p>
<p>Her muscles started to relax.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry I spooked you,” Adora mumbled, voice rumbling against Catra’s cheek.</p>
<p>“No, it’s- I … I <em>want</em> you to be able to touch me. I want that, I just … I’m just weird today. I think it just surprised me.”</p>
<p>“I’m trying to be good about asking,” Adora admitted. “Things have just been so good, I didn’t even think about it.”</p>
<p>“Things have been good. I’ve been doing better. It just … It comes and goes. Some days are bad, and I don’t know why. It’s really frustrating.”</p>
<p>“No one is expecting you to be perfect.”</p>
<p>“I know. I know that. But now that I know what better looks like, it’s harder when I slip.”</p>
<p>She felt Adora nod. A kiss was pressed against her hair.</p>
<p>Suddenly, a noise from outside—the twangy distortion of a body moving through space.</p>
<p>“Adora!” came the call. “You’re late. Which either means you got busy making out with your girlfriend, or you’re dead. I would very much appreciate an answer one way or the other.”</p>
<p>Well. At least she wasn’t just barging in. It had only taken her three infected scratches to learn that lesson.</p>
<p>“I can tell her to go away,” Adora murmured. “I’ll explain later, she’ll understand.”</p>
<p>Catra was quiet for a moment. She could already feel herself regretting the decision, but … progress, and all that.</p>
<p>“You can let her in.”</p>
<p>“… You sure?”</p>
<p>“Y-Yeah, just- Just tell her to come in before I change my mind.”</p>
<p>It took a few seconds before Adora shifted, yelling towards the door, “Come in!”</p>
<p>Catra couldn’t see from her position, but she heard the door creak open, then close.</p>
<p>“Still not ruling out dead,” Glimmer said. “And I don’t see you, so ghost isn’t off the table.”</p>
<p>“Over here,” Adora called.</p>
<p>Gimmer’s feet padded on the ground as she rounded the bed, then stopped.</p>
<p>Catra buried her face closer.</p>
<p>“You guys getting in some floor cuddling?” she asked. She sounded like she was trying for levity, but more than that—soft, sympathetic. “And you didn’t invite me? I’m hurt.”</p>
<p>Catra was silent. Her cheeks had started to flush. She was <em>trying</em>, okay? Vulnerability wasn’t an easy thing for her.</p>
<p>“Rough day?” Glimmer asked.</p>
<p>“Catra just got a little spooked,” Adora said, ever-honest.</p>
<p>“What? See a mouse?”</p>
<p>“Ha ha. I didn’t know Bright Moon had comedians,” Catra growled.</p>
<p>“Hey.” Glimmer was quiet for a moment. “Everyone sees a mouse sometimes.”</p>
<p>Catra didn’t respond. She heard Glimmer’s clothes rustle as she settled on the ground.</p>
<p>“Mind if I join you?”</p>
<p>Catra’s heart thudded. She felt Adora’s hands grip her a little tighter.</p>
<p>Okay. Okay, it was fine. It was fine, right? It was just Glimmer. She’d been through worse.</p>
<p>Catra nodded.</p>
<p>Glimmer, mercifully, didn’t push her too much. She scooted closer, enough that Catra could feel her body heat, and rested a hand on Catra’s calf. That was it.</p>
<p>Catra felt herself settle.</p>
<p>“Not that I wasn’t looking forward to beating up She-ra,” Glimmer said, “but this is nice, too.”</p>
<p>Adora snorted. “Okay, well, one: did you seriously think I was going to turn into She-ra to spar with you? Secondly, did you think you were going to <em>win</em>?”</p>
<p>Glimmer scoffed. “Point one—yes! I wanted to beat the shit out of something, specifically an eight-foot-tall warrior lady with huge muscles that can heal herself. Not, you know, <em>my friend Adora from down the hall</em>. And point two—oh, I’d <em>absolutely</em> win, because I am a tiny vessel of pure pent up rage and being queen has, if anything, made that worse. I can’t bite the heads off ambassadors, but I would without doubt deck She-ra right in her beautiful, perfect face.”</p>
<p>“Please don’t beat up my girlfriend,” Catra mumbled, lips tilting upwards.</p>
<p>“You’re- You’re on <em>her side?</em>” Adora wailed. “You- Okay, look, it’s just- No one can beat up She-ra, for the record, because She-ra is super cool and powerful and neither of you could do squat about that. Also! <em>Fr-Friend from- from down the- </em>Look! You could not take me in a fight, She-ra or not, and that’s just facts! The- The <em>audacity! </em>I- I trained every day for—”</p>
<p>Catra snickered, curling closer as Adora’s only-half-teasing rant floated across her ears. She cracked an eye open, sparing a glance at the girl beside her.</p>
<p>Glimmer didn’t look at her, just stared at Adora with a fond smile, but she squeezed her leg.</p>
<p>Catra’s chest rumbled with a purr. </p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Adora and Glimmer did end up going to the gym to spar—but it was the next day, after a night of ice cream and talking. Catra was enthusiastic about the ice cream and, after a while, warmed up to the talking. It was nice. Them just being there, no threats, no expectations … It was nice.</p>
<p>Now, she found herself wandering the halls of Bright Moon, feeling small and lost. It was completely ridiculous, how quickly she found herself scared and untethered when Adora wasn’t there. She was an adult. She was powerful and fearsome. She’d almost destroyed the whole planet and had felt less nervous about that. But the halls of Bright Moon were just … so foreign to her. It made her jumpy.</p>
<p>She wandered with one hand gripping her arm, ears angling for any sound, tail flicking nervously. She wasn’t really looking for anything, just trying to commit the large castle to memory as she one had with the green halls of the Fright Zone. After a while, she picked up on a scent.</p>
<p>She stopped.</p>
<p>Bright Moon had many scents, more than the Fright Zone ever did. The Fright Zone was all metal, rust, and sweat. But the castle was full of rich foods, perfumes, freshly laundered clothes … It was another thing to get used to. On bad days, the smells overwhelmed her, twisted nausea into her gut.</p>
<p>Today wasn’t … Today wasn’t a bad day. It was as okay as her days really got. Which gave her the courage to tip her head up, squint her eyes, and take a few short breaths through her nose.</p>
<p>The scents mixed in her nostrils, but one stood out to her.</p>
<p>Bow.</p>
<p>Something in Catra’s chest settled.</p>
<p>She liked Bow. Bow was pleasant to be around, in ways that she sometimes struggled with others. Sure, he would tease her, like everyone else in this starsforsaken castle. But he was kind. He was genuine. And when the genuine scared her, he was soft, and patient, and Catra found herself not hating him for that like she might have in times before.</p>
<p>She followed the scent further along the hall, to an open door. She let her feet guide her into the doorframe.</p>
<p>It looked to be an old meeting room of some sort. It was dusty and unused. Maybe it had been for the staff, once upon a time. There was a long table with chairs, though most of them were flipped to rest on top, and at one end—Bow. There were piles of gadgets around him, little bits and bobbles that Catra couldn’t hope to understand.</p>
<p>She huffed a fond breath, without really meaning to, and Bow looked up.</p>
<p>“Hey.” He quirked a smile. “Glimmer and Adora at the gym?”</p>
<p>Catra nodded.</p>
<p>“Adora better watch out,” he mused, “Glimmer is a tiny vessel of pure pent up rage.”</p>
<p>“She used that line on you too, huh?”</p>
<p>“No.” His smile turned into a grin. “That was from the heart.”</p>
<p>Catra snickered, her hand gripping her arm more tightly.</p>
<p>“Do you want to sit with me?”</p>
<p>Catra was glad he’d asked. She was trying to get better at the whole ‘asking her friends for things didn’t mean she was weak and it wasn’t going to kill her’ thing, but … She was glad he asked first.</p>
<p>She nodded, slipping closer on silent feet. She wasn’t sure what possessed her, because she just as easily could have pulled down a chair to join him. But Catra was feeling … very small today. She didn’t know another way to phrase it.</p>
<p>She sunk down to the floor beside his chair.</p>
<p>Bow was quiet. Even his tinkering with his little metal trinkets had stopped.</p>
<p>Catra should probably be embarrassed. She probably <em>would</em> be embarrassed later on. But sitting half under the table in the dark room, Bow’s warmth by her side, she felt … content, in a way that she maybe should’ve examined.</p>
<p>“Can I …”</p>
<p>Bow’s voice trailed off, and Catra’s tail flicked.</p>
<p>“Can I, um—” He cleared his throat. “You can totally say no, I won’t be upset at all. We’ll pretend I never asked. But would it be alright if I, um … pet your head? Would that be okay? If not, I—”</p>
<p>“Okay.”</p>
<p>Catra, again, wasn’t sure what possessed her to agree. She’d had a running mantra in her head for, shit, at least the last month, of just—<em>vulnerability is not going to kill you, these are your friends too, you can be vulnerable, you won’t die, vulnerability is not going to kill you—</em>and maybe she was finally getting around to listening to it. Also, it just sounded … really nice. She would never <em>admit</em> that. She could always pretend she hated it and was doing him a favor. But it sounded … nice. So, she said yes before she could talk herself out of it.</p>
<p>“Oh.” Bow was still for a moment. “Cool. Okay.”</p>
<p>Catra only flinched a little when the hand settled in her hair. It was … It felt different than Adora’s. His fingers were thicker, and far more calloused. He was very, very warm, which maybe shouldn’t have come as a shock. But, as he started stroking her hair, letting his fingers curl through the short tufts, Catra melted.</p>
<p>“Are you … purring?”</p>
<p>Her lips pulled in a snarl. “I will leave right now.”</p>
<p>“Sorry! Sorry. I didn’t hear anything. Completely silent in here. Forget I mentioned it.”</p>
<p>Catra closed her eyes and relaxed again.</p>
<p>She <em>was</em> purring, which was … weird. It wasn’t something she could help all the time. She could force the sound, though it felt very awkward to do so. But, most of the time, it was like her ears and tail … not as much under her control as she’d like them to be.</p>
<p>Bow’s hand continued to stroke, fingers continued to scrape gently. He didn’t really have nails like Adora did, so that felt a little different, too, though not in a bad way. His hand moved to rub at the base of her ear, and Catra sighed, her head shifting to rest on his leg without really thinking about it.</p>
<p>“This is nice,” Bow said.</p>
<p>“Don’t ruin it,” Catra grumbled, with far less malice than she’d intended.</p>
<p>Bow chuckled. He scratched at the short fur below her ear, and Catra’s purr grew louder.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to be so scared of this, you know,” Bow started, voice low. Catra’s chest tightened, just a little. “Not the- Not the contact. I get why that makes you nervous, I do. I just mean … leaning on us a little. Letting us take care of you. Because we want to. I know that’s hard to accept, but we do.”</p>
<p>“I’m a fully functioning adult person,” Catra said, “I don’t need anyone to take care of me.”</p>
<p>“That’s really dumb.”</p>
<p>Catra’s eyebrows furrowed, but she didn’t pull away. “I’m sorry?”</p>
<p>“Well, it is. If people didn’t need other people to take care of them, we’d all live by ourselves in the woods, eating off the land and never talking to each other. But we don’t. We live in societies because that’s what we’re supposed to do. That’s what makes us happy. We feed each other, tell each other stories, laugh together. People are meant to care for other people, and be taken care of. You think you don’t need that? Go live by yourself in the woods. You’d make it a week before you’re back here, waiting for someone to scratch your ears.”</p>
<p>Catra’s lips twisted. “I’d last at least a month.”</p>
<p>Bow chuckled. His blunt nails scratched through the short hairs on her neck, and Catra sighed.</p>
<p>“Whatever you need to tell yourself.”</p>
<p>They were both quiet for a while. Catra relished the warmth of Bow’s leg against her cheek, his rough hands playing with the short-but-growing strands of her hair. She swallowed, taking a little breath before she spoke.</p>
<p>“It’s … hard. Leaning on people, I mean. It’s hard trusting that they won’t go away.”</p>
<p>“I get that,” Bow mumbled. “But you’ve kind of got two options. You take the risk, you put your heart out there, and even if it doesn’t last forever, you let yourself love and be loved. You experience kindness, and trust, and comfort, and you let yourself be better for it. Or … You never let yourself trust anyone, you stay lonely forever, even when you’re around other people, and you just … hold yourself away from people until they leave and prove that you were right. And one of those probably makes more sense in the Horde, but we’re not in the Horde, so … I don’t know. I know which one sounds better to me.”</p>
<p>Catra raised her hand to grip in the fabric of his pants, anchoring herself.</p>
<p>“When you love them, it hurts more when they leave. It’s safer not to.”</p>
<p>Bow’s hand stopped, just a warm weight against her head.</p>
<p>“You could’ve gone with her, you know.”</p>
<p>Catra bit her tongue. Her face pinched.</p>
<p>“She could’ve …” Her hand trembled, and she curled the pant fabric into her fist. “Why didn’t she ever want to leave for <em>me? </em>Why could she never see how bad they were before? I- I thought … I thought we stayed with them because at least we’d have each other, they couldn’t ruin us if we had each other, and … She’d never wanted to leave before. She didn’t see how bad they were when I was the one getting hurt. And then she … she left me there. She told me she’d go without me, and … and I just thought … If she wouldn’t stay for me, if she’d leave me behind, then … Then I guess I never meant as much as I thought. If she left, then I guess I never really meant anything.”</p>
<p>For a moment, there was just quiet, only stillness. Then Bow’s hand continued to stroke.</p>
<p>“A few months after she got here,” Bow started, voice quiet and serious. “And I … I probably shouldn’t be telling you this. Don’t tell her I told you this, but … Queen Angella wanted to get to know Adora better. They’d worked together, planned together, but they didn’t really … So, they just spent the day together. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. Everything is easier when you know the people you’re fighting next to. But, um … Well, Adora sort of … lost it? Like, after she got back. It really confused me and Glimmer, but she just … She wasn’t okay. I know you never got to know Glimmer’s mom, but she was … She could be scary, sometimes, but she was very kind, and very fair. She treated people right. And after Adora spent the day with her, it really shook her, because … Well, I don’t think she really realized until that moment how bad things had been growing up. Until she saw how things were <em>supposed </em>to be. She was inconsolable for … a long time. And we didn’t realize why until a long time later, because you know how Adora is. She didn’t want to put that on us. She opened up eventually, but … I don’t think she really got it, until then. Just how messed up everything was for you. For you both.”</p>
<p>Catra was quiet. If Bow noticed the tears that had leaked into the fabric of his pants, he didn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“But at that point,” Bow continued, “everything was already sort of settled. You two were enemies and too stubborn to be anything but. She never stopped caring about you, though. I know things were really bad for you, I don’t want to take that away or act like it wasn’t. But … Adora made a lot of sacrifices to be She-ra. Things that, if she had the choice, she never would have given up. But it’s <em>Adora</em>. She never felt like she had a choice. But still, I think … I think leaving you behind was the hardest thing she’s ever had to do.”</p>
<p>Catra’s lips trembled as tears continued to leak from her eyes. She’d probably be horribly embarrassed under any other circumstance, if it was anyone besides the ever-gentle, ever-earnest dorky boy she was clinging to. Somehow, with Bow, it wasn’t so scary. It wasn’t so scary to be cared for.</p>
<p>“Hey, Bow?”</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“Thanks for, um … Thanks.”</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>He flicked her ear, and Catra turned to glare at him for the action. But he was just smiling, eyes crinkled and warm.</p>
<p>“You’re in the Best Friend Squad now,” he said, lips quirked. “And we always watch each other’s backs.”</p>
<p>Catra could have fought him. She could’ve told him she didn’t need anybody, that she wasn’t a part of their merry little band. She could’ve said that the words didn’t fill her chest with warmth, that she didn’t feel safe—genuinely safe—sitting there at his feet.</p>
<p>But she didn’t.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Catra didn’t know how she’d ended up here.</p>
<p>A month ago, she probably would’ve bit someone’s head off for suggesting it was a possibility. She would’ve judged herself for being so trusting, so vulnerable. She would’ve thought it was crazy, and impossible, and stupid, and all those other things she used to tell herself when she was scared.</p>
<p>But, here she was.</p>
<p>No one could deny she was making progress.</p>
<p>Her breath shook as she stood in front of the door, holding her own arms as she cried. Even being here was a step forward, she told herself. If she couldn’t bring herself to do any more, that was okay. Perfuma had told her to celebrate each little victory, even if it wasn’t what other people would see as one.</p>
<p>But the thing was, she didn’t <em>want</em> to leave. She wanted to raise her hand and knock, and … and …</p>
<p>She swallowed. She hiccupped as the tears kept flowing.</p>
<p><em>“They won’t be angry,”</em> Melog told her. <em>“They are a part of your clan.” </em> </p>
<p>Catra nodded. Even if it was only to Melog, she could admit that was true. They had gone from the enemy, to Adora’s friends, to <em>her </em>friends, to … She didn’t know. Something she’d never had a name for.</p>
<p>Her clan.</p>
<p>She should knock. This was stupid, she should just knock.</p>
<p>Melog raised their paw and let it thump against the door.</p>
<p>“Melog!” she hissed.</p>
<p><em>“You weren’t going to do it</em>.”</p>
<p>There was a shuffle from inside, then Glimmer’s voice saying, “Come in!”</p>
<p>She continued to glare at the bubbling cat creature.</p>
<p>“I’m going to be mad at you for that later.”</p>
<p>Melog chuffed as she let her hands fall on the doorknob. Before she could talk herself out of it, she pushed her way inside.</p>
<p>The room was dark. It was nighttime, that was to be expected. But she had no problem seeing Glimmer, sat up in her bed, clutching the covers to her chest.</p>
<p>Glimmer didn’t have her vision, though.</p>
<p>She held up one hand, summoning a little ball of light.</p>
<p>“… Catra?”</p>
<p>Catra stood just beyond the doorway, hugging her own arms. She should’ve said something, but she just stood there and sniffled.</p>
<p>Glimmer turned, nudging the mound of blankets at her side. “It’s just Catra.”</p>
<p>The blankets shifted, then Bow’s head was peeking out.</p>
<p>“Oh,” he said. He squinted into the darkness. “Hey, are you okay?”</p>
<p>Catra trembled as she cried.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>The two in the bed glanced at each other. Then, without speaking, they shuffled towards opposite sides, leaving a space free in the middle.</p>
<p>Glimmer patted it. “Come here.”</p>
<p>This was stupid. She shouldn’t … She wasn’t a child anymore, cowering at the foot of Adora’s bed. But … Maybe it was okay. Maybe it was okay to be a little childish, sometimes. She’d never gotten to before.</p>
<p>Her heart clenched at the mere thought of Adora. It made her feet start to move, made her climb up into the bed and settle on her back between her two friends.</p>
<p>Bow laid beside her, but Glimmer continued to sit, looking down at her. She moved her hand to brush a clump of hair away from Catra’s eye.</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>Catra’s face pinched. She was already crying, which was bad enough. She wasn’t going to lose it on them.</p>
<p>“Adora and I got in a fight,” she admitted, shaky.</p>
<p>“What about?” Bow mumbled.</p>
<p>“I- I don’t even <em>know</em>.” She hiccupped again, raising an arm to swipe at her cheeks. “We just … We were <em>off</em> today. We kept making comments. Pushing buttons. It felt like we were back in the Horde, like it was some competition to see who would snap first. It … It felt bad, but … It was like we couldn’t help it. And then someone said something, I don’t even remember which of us did, and suddenly it was a fight. I … I yelled. I shouldn’t have. She was just <em>pissing me off</em>, and … And then she was yelling too, and we both said things. I shouldn’t have left, but … I think if I didn’t, I would’ve said something really bad. Something I couldn’t take back. So I left.”</p>
<p>“Hey,” Bow murmured, knocking a little against her shoulder. “I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it’s a good thing you did leave. You recognized that you didn’t want to hurt her, so you got yourself out of the situation. You wouldn’t always have done that. That’s really big.”</p>
<p>“<em>And</em> you came to us,” Glimmer said, “instead of hiding away somewhere. That’s not a small thing either.”</p>
<p>“Maybe,” Catra mumbled.</p>
<p>“Seriously,” Bow said, leaning up on his elbow. “Both of those things are really good. You should be proud of yourself. I know we’re proud of you.”</p>
<p>Catra’s lips twisted. It wasn’t often she’d heard those words, and it did something funny in her gut.</p>
<p>“Thanks,” she managed.</p>
<p>Glimmer rested a hand on her shoulder. “Couples fight sometimes. Everybody has bad days. Last week, I almost knocked Bow out because he took the last jelly tart. It’s the making up part that’s important. But it’s okay if you need a little time to cool off first. It’s okay if you need some space and support.”</p>
<p>“I would’ve been mad too,” Catra whispered. “The jelly tarts are really good.”</p>
<p>Bow huffed a laugh. “Do you want a hug?”</p>
<p>“Maybe?” Catra’s ears flattened. “Yes.”</p>
<p>Bow shifted, nose pressing into her shoulder, arm wrapped around her middle. Glimmer just rested a hand against the side of her head, pulling her against her hip.</p>
<p>Catra let herself be held.</p>
<p>They didn’t say anything further, and that was fine. It was nice just being there. Catra didn’t know what she’d expected when she came to them. Maybe it was this. Maybe this was what she wanted. Maybe next time she’d even ask before they offered, if she was having a really good day.</p>
<p>Melog’s head shot up. He mewed.</p>
<p>Only moments later, the door cracked open, and Adora charged in, nervous and restless and rumpled. Catra was the only one who jumped.</p>
<p>“Glimmer,” Adora was saying, obviously on the edge of tears, “Catra and I got into a fight and I can’t find her, and I think I really screwed up and …”</p>
<p>She trailed off, coming to stand by the foot of the bed.</p>
<p>Catra looked at her, eyebrows pinched just a little, and smiled.</p>
<p>“Hey, Adora.”</p>
<p>Adora’s hand came up to point as she continued to stare blankly.</p>
<p>“You’re … You’re here. With … people.”</p>
<p>“It would seem that way, yes.”</p>
<p>“Okay,” Adora said, clearly still not understanding. The hand came up to press her knuckles against her lips. “Hm.”</p>
<p>“Are you going to keep being weird,” Glimmer started, “or are you going to get in on this?”</p>
<p>Adora’s eyes found Catra’s. Her mouth opened a little, but no words came out.</p>
<p>Catra was still a little mad. They’d both said things, things that were only meant to hurt. But the thing was, she didn’t <em>want</em> to be mad. She wanted them to be okay. She wanted Adora.</p>
<p>Her hand came up—an invitation.</p>
<p>“Come here?”</p>
<p>And Adora did.</p>
<p>She crawled onto the bed, ending up half in Glimmer’s lap and half on top of Catra. Catra huffed a little at the sudden weight, but they soon all settled into a comfortable position. Bow’s arm was over her stomach, hand resting on Adora’s side. Glimmer’s hand was in her hair. Adora was heavy on top of her, pressed all against her side, one of her legs between Catra’s own, her arm thrown across Catra’s chest. Her face nuzzled into Catra’s neck, and even through her short fur, she could feel tears.</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” Adora mumbled, voice wet. “I- I shouldn’t have said those things, I don’t know what came over me, I—”</p>
<p>“I forgive you,” Catra said. From her position, she managed to rest one hand against Adora’s hip. “And I’m sorry, too.”</p>
<p>Adora nodded, curling closer.</p>
<p>“We’re okay, then?” she asked, the words small even in the space between them.</p>
<p>Catra nodded. She turned her head to nuzzle into Adora’s hair.</p>
<p>“Yeah. We’re good.”</p>
<p>And they were.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Sometimes, the fact that Catra was doing so much better was hard. It was hard, in a way she couldn’t quite articulate, letting go of her old self—letting go of all that anger, the insecurities, the defenses and triggers. Doing better made her feel lost in a way she never really expected to. She was <em>different</em>. It was good, but … she wasn’t prepared for the way it felt like losing herself.</p>
<p>Catra didn’t really know who she would grow up to be.</p>
<p>Sometimes, doing better was hard, but most of the time … Well, most of the time it was just that: better. She felt … happy, far more than she expected. She caught herself feeling safe more and more. She didn’t flinch away when a friendly arm settled around her shoulders, when a kiss was pressed into her cheek when she wasn’t expecting it.</p>
<p>Sometimes, she even asked for hugs.</p>
<p>Often, she found her thoughts drawing back to her conversation with Bow, even as more and more time padded between it and her. It was okay, she would catch herself thinking, to let herself be cared for. It was what people were meant to do. And, yes, some days running off to the woods to fend for herself <em>did</em> sound like an appealing option. But far more often, she found herself being fed, and being told stories, and sharing in a laugh.</p>
<p>She could’ve fought it. She could’ve determined that she didn’t need anybody, that she’d never really be safe, that she wouldn’t get attached for fear of losing again. She could’ve wrapped her old self around her shoulders like a shawl and declared that she didn’t need anyone in the world.</p>
<p>But she didn’t. </p>
<p><br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as always, taking prompts on tumblr @ buckysbears !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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